last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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