Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
