TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
