I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
