dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
