omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize