I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
