Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
