I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love having hate sex.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
