There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
