Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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