I wish I could teleport
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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