y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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