I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
