im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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