Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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