Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
