May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can I color on your dick again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
