there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
