Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
