At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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