We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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