I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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