is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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