You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
