so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
