Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just high enough for therapy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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