the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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