So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
