Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
