Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
