Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
420 ftw
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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