Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize