I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
