Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
