operation harelip BJ is a go
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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