I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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