once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
