Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
