I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
