We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
