Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I puked a lego.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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