I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
