We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
