She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
