You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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