So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
