Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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