the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
