yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
