How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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