I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
