I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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