found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
