i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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