Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
