Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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