M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
