sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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