8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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