After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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