Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize