I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
