my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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