First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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