help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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