Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
