Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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