Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
