I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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