You made me cry and you don't even care
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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