i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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