i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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