She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
